R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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