Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
