another moral hangover. fuck.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I AM VODKA MAN
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
