i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
