Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
The chlamydia really affected his face.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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