dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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