I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
