I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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