On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
