I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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