it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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