She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
