Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
