The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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