Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
