He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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