i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Alive.
So much puke
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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