Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
