dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize