she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
