I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
