Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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