There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
