I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
