i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
