4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
your room smells of hookers.
And success
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
