Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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