Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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