And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
