you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
how drunk are you?
Several
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
