Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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