At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
