I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize