is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
