Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
