I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
