I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
