My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize