we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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