I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i wish my penis had a tongue
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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