Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
