i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
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