i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
