Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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