i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
