Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
