Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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