just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
