If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
