I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
