all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
