One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
