Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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