He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
