yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
