I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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