Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
