He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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