Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
