fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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