So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
