I wannas sexs uuuuu
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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