SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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