I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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