Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
