Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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